Learning Is MESSY

Learning is MESSY.  OK. But how do I support the learning, when all I want to do is make it NEAT?

Do you remember learning to feed yourself? Of course not. But I'm sure your parents do. You do remember your child learning to feed him/herself. It’s a combination of letting go and stepping in. They have to use that spoon for the first time and when they do the food tends to be everywhere but in their mouth. MESSY. But it’s part of the process of learning how to feed yourself. 

My little Jacob wanted to use the spoon himself very early. (He has a self-sufficient streak that is both exciting and frustrating.) And so I handed him a spoon. I was a little reluctant because I knew that my table and chairs would never be the same. But if I never allow him the chance to learn, which is messy, then I would still be feeding him at 10. And that is ridiculous.

For him to get proficient at eating, he has to spill. He has to miss his mouth and get the spaghetti sauce all over the new striped shirt grandma gave him. He has to get yogurt all over his face and a little up his nose. And he needs to drop most of the rice on the floor to get one mouthful.

The funny thing is… he doesn’t get frustrated with the messy. He doesn’t even notice. But me… I’m controlling my urge to take back the spoon so it’s NOT messy.

Sometimes he does get frustrated when he can’t get the food into his mouth. Or when the edge of the fork pinches his lip, a different kind of messy. What do I do at that moment? Do I get frustrated that he made a mess and take away the spoon to feed him myself? Do I take the spoon, fill it and hand it back to him? Do I distract him and then come back to eating?

As a mom, I have to consider when do I LET him get messy to learn and when do I STEP IN WITH SUPPORT to his learning but LET him continue?

This is the real dilemma with support. Knowing WHEN and HOW to offer help. AND to do so ONLY because they need it… NOT because it’s too MESSY for me.

Right now I'm in a course about Brand Messaging. My background is Learning, Science, Literacy etc. NOT Branding. So, I am Learning every time I watch her videos and every task she assigns. And it is MESSY. So messy that sometimes I have to walk away and just let my subconscious simmer like good soup. Then I come back and some things are clearer and some things are messier.  I embrace the struggle and wade in. 

MESSY happens at different places for everyone, but it looks the same... a mixture of CONFUSION and TOO MUCH or TOO LITTLE information to make sense. These conditions evoke feelings of frustration and being overwhelmed, which frequently leave us wanting to quit or give up because it's "too hard."

• This word is "too hard" to pronounce.

• This book is "too hard" to read. 

• This gymnastics landing is "too hard" to nail.

• This comparing World Wars assignment is "too hard" to complete. 

• This problem is "too hard" to solve. 

How do we support LEARNING when it gets this messy? When it feels TOO HARD to continue?

Here are some ideas...

We start with an AFFIRMATION that if something is CONFUSING it just means we are in NEW territory and on the edge of LEARNING. This is NORMAL and everyone feels it. It's exciting although it doesn't feel like it right now!!

Next we consider a SHORT BREAK to let the heated emotions dissipate and the ideas and problems simmer in our subconscious. 

When we return we add some PERSPECTIVE that 1) this is part of the process of learning and 2) struggle is healthy and will strengthen their learning muscles. And 3) this could be a cue to consider an alternate angle or perspective to help us SEE it differently. 

Finally, as moms we need to consider if we need to add some support.  DON'T REDUCE the challenge, although tempting. It’s like taking away the spoon altogether. It communicates "You're incapable" which is interpreted as "I'm dumb," or "I can't do hard things," (especially if they got that message in school). Add support up to the challenge and let them learn to be ok with a little struggle. You are there if they need you.

Once the task is complete CELEBRATE! Celebrate the completion, the struggle, the victory, the perseverance, the attitude, the MESSY.  Debrief the process. Consider what would help next time. And then celebrate some more. 

LEARNING comes with embracing the MESSY, not hoping it won't be.  And with this new understanding you have helped to Awaken the LEARN in Learning. 

Please share some of your MESSY Learning with our community at Parent as HOME-TEACHER

LOVE Learning - 

Jill